You know those nights you have with the guy you really liked, there was alcohol and typical you ends up pouring out your heart and as the night progresses your big fat mouth just has to say things that you cannot think of sober without cringing? That might be what I’m feeling right about now..
What happened to me? I was this hopeless romantic that believed in happily ever after and ‘meant to be’ and fate and ‘the one’, and ‘the man of my dreams’, well admittedly I believed in a lot of those terms as recently as Dimple, think as short as that lasted it left a deeper mark than I thought, thanks God we moved on from that wreck, the bruises will heal with time..yesterday I was cooking for Snuggles and it occurred to me that I still harbour a lot of bitterness for past men who’ve been in my life, I’m still angry, more at myself for taking shit when I would have walked away, as difficult as it might have been at the time, the best decisions are the hardest to make. That’s how we learn the toughest lessons I guess..
Recent events in my life have started to make me think twice about phrases, ways of looking at life that I was finally giving up on. Meeting Snuggles was no wild romantic story, I had my reserved thoughts, he had his wilder ones, but as the days progressed, we started to connect despite ourselves, we’d find ourselves talking for hours on end, sometimes just sitting in comfortable, charged silence letting our minds wonder, I tried, still try not to let my wandering, romantic head go too far for fear of yet another let down, I figured it was simpler, easier on me. Besides we had just about four weeks before he had to go back to work in his faraway, deserted land for weeks on end, a future, even a month ahead was asking too much from a man who’s more in the middle of nowhere with no phone service than within my reach so the last thing I was going to do was have any expectations.
Three weeks in and I started to realise that I might just miss this guy when he goes back.I would sigh to myself and wonder when good things would ever start happening to me in that sector of my life..
The days drew closer, I’d thought of praying about it and did it quietly, figured it was his last four weeks there, that had to be a sign that maybe things would work out for us, the weeks would fly by and before I knew it he’d be back; but the strangest thing happened, he called one night and told me he was done with going to that distant place, that he’d be around, he wasn’t going anywhere in the immediate picture.
I was confused, the turn of events was almost mystical. He was going to stay, we had a chance, was that what that meant or was I reading too much into something that wasn’t even there to begin with?
Well he didn’t go, he has two weeks before that contract expires so even if he goes it’ll just be two bearable weeks without my cool boyfriend.
May 5th is our official date, he makes me feel like life can actually turn out not so bad after all, that sometimes when we pray at the right time God actually considers what you ask for and just might give it to you. Maybe He makes some stuff meant to be..
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