Day 3

Well day 3 is about over, today wasn’t half bad…woke up so sad I shut my eyes again hoping that maybe it wasn’t real, probably the last parts of my bad dream and woke up 3hours later just as depressed but with a rumbling stomach to make it all the more depressing, wonder how truly depressed people feel like…it must really, really suck

I made a whole loaf of french toast for me and my housemate, took four slices and mopped back to my room…I’m gaining weight at an alarming rate, it’s fuckin depressing!! I was in denial now I see it in my ability to easily eat four slices of french toast and wonder if one more would mean greed. Only thing that can help me is appetite suppressants, I’m too lazy to work out, anything beyond moderate-paced walking is out of the question. Starvation, consistent starvation.

So I convinced my sister to take me shopping, had to leave the house, it had been 3days, needed a reason to smile, to be happy, even for awhile…we went shopping, for the first time in almost a week I felt truly happy, as in joy and tranquillity down to my very soul,  nothing beats therapy like getting new bags, shoes and clothes. For about 3hours I felt truly happy, wonder if joy feels like that, contentment, like nothing can touch this!!











Till I got home and tried out all my new clothes and all I saw was all the extra curves that have developed that weren't there 6 weeks ago..before I got a boyfriend and grew lazy or rather nestled in the comfort that we were both gaining weight and every time I noted that I might be gaining weight he showed me his bigger love handle and we laughed it off. Shame on me! Losing weight is such a bore though…no more sugar



So as I sit here sipppin on Famous, trying to not to feel sorry for myself, trying not to think of how Snuggles suddenly went quiet in the middle of our texts, seeing as it’s well past midnight, he may have fallen asleep; a goodnight would have been nice. I mean we have a full 17 days without seeing each other, the least he could do is reply my freaking texts!!




It’s too early in the month to start being selfish and unreasonable so I’ll give it a rest and just admit that I probably just miss him or something…