Scarves and Sweaters

Jesus or King David, through Jesus knew what they were saying when they said life is a circle; my life is a circle, things always turn out the same damned way every fuckin time!!


 Predictable is good mostly but not when your cycle of men goes like this; meet a guy, think he's cool, funny and awesome, have wild amazing sex, fall in love, while you think you're in love you go out of your way to make him happy and get crazy every time you think your losing him, then you realize that maybe you are losing him so you go through the dejection phase where all you want to do is die, or at least hibernate for like two months ( that's about the time it takes for you to find another awesome, funny, cool guy with out-of-this world sex). 


Then the two months of anger and hurt end and then you look for a sweet innocent boy to torture in about the same way you feel you were tortured and leave him without looking back…every once in a while you decide that perhaps you deserve better so you try out the nice guys who adore you and treat you like a princess, problem is, most of them come with mediocre to horribly monotonous sex and in a couple of weeks your bored out of your mind. 


But it's still predictable, which shouldn't be that bad, now I see five steps ahead the minute I meet an awesome guy and take it like a woman!! No more surprises



Anyway, so lately I've been thinking I just might have met the man who's going to fall madly in love with me and marry me. All the signs point to him being the man I'm ready to settle down with, only one teeny hitch, he doesn't know it yet. That's fine, if this is going to be true love, I have to be patient, let cupid work up his arrows, he might need to sharpen his aim a bit, this particular guy is blind as a bat. Annoying as hell but what can we do but wait.



I just hope one day when we're all drunk I don't profess my undying love and intentions to him, eternally embarrassing myself. Jumping his bones is one thing, flushing my dignity down the drain by swearing I will always love him, he's the man of my dreams, I swear not to ever hurt him if he could just love me back between tequila shots is a totally different thing. I'd move to another town or country, change my number and last name and get married to the first guy who proposed, give him lots of kids and knit sweaters and scarves for the rest of my life.



Maybe I'm being slightly dramatic here; no actually I'm not, far from it.

Three years from now if I come across this article I hope I'll shake my head in wonder at how much I could see into the future, I'm a big believer in fate, almost never believe in coincidences, everything that happens does so for a reason, recent events in my life had better be fate rather than coincidence. Three years from now I'll be engaged to Dimple and planning a white picket fence life with three dimpled kids with my good sense of optimism and his humour.

Call me a dreamer but it’s us guys who get what we dream about, sometimes all we can do is dream and wait our turn. And one day down the road my story will run something like this;

A little ways down the road…a lonely but awesome girl awaited her prince to ride across the woods and sweep her off her feet for she grew weary of the country folk and the plain demure. Her prince had nothing unadorned about him, he was elaborate and exciting and he could do the coolest things with his sword and shield yet he could not be compared to the cocky village men who asked for her hand in marriage. She knew her hand belonged to just one man, but where was he?

Then, one even lonelier day, exhausted by the country folk and their talk on how she would die a lonely, old maid, she sat at the entrance of the woods and wept for her life was turning out to be long and miserable. She disliked being the talk of the town.

Just as she was getting dehydration from all the tears and no water for the stream was a long way down the path into the woods, she heard the familiar sound of hooves beating on the soft forest floor coming steadily in her direction. She looked up, and by golly the most handsome man, riding towards her. “Gasp!” Her heart skipped a beat and then another as he reached down from his horse and held out his hand for her.

She looked right into his deep brown eyes, her tear stained face suddenly bright and hopeful, took his hand and they rode off into the sunset….