Dear Diary,

Today was one of my pensive days where I think through most of the day and end up getting so caught up in my own head I sometimes speak out loud by accident then I have to ignore all those stares I get from strangers. Hey, I figure strangers are better than people you know. Strange looks beat the frightened looks people you know give you.



I want to live near a body of water so I can have those tranquil, thought-filled moments that inspire life changing decisions...too much tarmac and dust in Nairobi.


Anyway, I barely slept last night; hate it when your brain decides to go on overdrive the opportune night that needs you to sleep early. Hours and hours of thoughts that refuse to settle down. Woke up groggy and pissed off at the world. Made it to class an hour minutes late; everything just seemed to go wrong! The shower water was dirt brown, as in a dark, muddy brown that I realized just when I'd gotten under the water with my white underwear. My first instinct was to scream, then punch something. It got clear after awhile; it was too late for my two week old undies. Sigh! Couldn't find anything to wear, tried out jeans, then linens, then a dress, a skirt, another dress, half an hour later settled on my original jeans. My hair was all wrong, smudged my eye pencil all over my left eye when the phone rang and startled me. It was J, she thought she was late for her class; she was in school wondering if it was worth it. I was home still half dressed. We had a guest speaker in class, had to go.



Got to class and our lecturer was going on about not deserving to eat when you don't work…Sigh! I swear Diary we learn more theology than communication in that school!! I sat down, opened my alternative notebook that serves as my journal stroke idea drafter stroke list maker, bought it when I realized my school books have more of my personal life notes than actual school work, you must separate your torture from your pleasure. Sure there's a saying somewhere that goes like that. The class is Christianity and Media, I half listened half scribbled anything off the top of my head. 
They thought a pastor/ lecturer was best suited to teach us. Thanks to my school, I think I can now sit through a five hour sermon and not hear a single word while maintaining a vaguely interested look complete with eye contact and a few comments at the right pauses.

Today was one of those "what if" days where I questioned my decisions. Everything I've done especially in the recent past seems to have had an equal and opposite reaction that may have turned out better. Couldn't wait for class to end, couldn't wait for the day to end!!



The highlight of my day was seeing my cousin in hospital. Things must be really bad if hospital is the best part of my day. I went armed with spicy chicken wings, thought I should get something healthier but chicken wings really boost one's mood, shy spoil that effect with boring fruit or lucozade? He's such a sport. Even in poor health and pain, he somehow manages to make humor out of the most disheartening situations, listen to my melodrama, whining and bitching and still offer genius advice, well, as genius as a guy's advice on a girl's issues can be. There still pretty clueless on women issues. My one hour visit extended through the afternoon and into the evening.



Got Dexter at my dvd joint and came home. It was quiet, just me. I used to have a life, what happened to all those Friday nights I was out halfway drunk by 9? The saddest part is that now I rush home on Friday nights so I can enjoy the calm. It used to be eerie silence now I love it!! I cannot be growing old at 22! Can I? But Dexter kicks ass! Sure a lot of people on the rave wish they had something to keep them in.



Woke up to chicken legs and his girlfriend having one of their lover's tiffs, something he'd done on the rave. The door slamming, fiery curses and abuses was a welcome relief from the sickening, happy, romantic blissful phase they've been going through.



Finally diary, the day is over. 
Cannot dare publish this with my eyes half open, the errors will be crazy. Till tommorrow..