Letter to my 16 year old self

Dear 16 year old Lady U,






Life doesn't get too bad after 16, most of the confused haze in your head clears and most of your questions get answered in more ways than one.

You lose all the weight you're struggling with, thank God! So much for all the aerobics, swimming, power walks and self starvation; 8kgs all but melt away the minute you leave high school. Makes me wonder what kind of hormonal shit they were serving us in there. You never lost weight and your hormone levels were on a dangerous high.



You get hot and fierce and you finally build up the courage to wear a bikini. Adios one piece costumes! Writing seems to be our constant we have God to thank for that. Remember when you had those dark days and you'd blame them on hormones and kept telling yourself they'd pass and you couldn't wait till they did? Ha!! They don't, in fact sometimes you walk around with a dark cloud hovering over you, sorry. Well, in a twisted way it's a blessing. Some of your deepest work happens on these days.



Dudes still suck after 16, they suck all through life by what I can tell, sorry, I know you thought dandy long legs was as bad as they came. The variety widens as time passes, it's not even a decade after 16 and in seconds I can name for you ten different kinds. We aren't the easiest people to live with in their defense and good percentages are the way they are because of us so…



You still identify with love songs even when your love life is pitiful; in that small way I know we are romantics. We still want to slow dance, lie on our backs watching the stars, laughter and wine by the fireplace with the rain making patterns of raindrops on the panes, long walks by the water at sunrise, second chances and true love.



I used to think that being 16 was hard; I'm coming to the conclusion that it could be a generational curse, being a woman is so damn hard!

We should be independent but not too independent, it turns them off, we should be go getters but no aggressive, have the judgment to know when to say no, when to say yes, when to stall, when to follow your intuition, the wisdom to differentiate between your gut and what your heart wants. We should also somehow learn to figure out what when to think with your head and when following your heart determines your fate. Jeez!! Its hard work being a woman, we get wiser and stronger as the years deal their blows so try not take everything to hard.



Judging by the years that have passed, what I've gone through and what life has mercifully allowed me to experience second party, you don't really learn fast, it's funny now, won't be as you go through the same stuff over and over again.



I'm starting to sound depressing, let me change the subject. You know how dad keeps forcing you to do B.Comm coz anything that involves doing what you love is a disgrace and makes nobody no money? You show him!! You dodge that bullet thank God, how were we even going to deal with our hate for all things math? Folks can be so damn selfish!!



Next year mum shows you a prospectus for Daystar and you sneer. She gets the last laugh there. The best way to deal with that scenario because she will rub it in is to feign amnesia. You never saw a Daystar prospectus before you went to the school and asked for it. She must be confusing you with one of her other kids. Wasn't you, can't have been.



So far, mum's threats that my husband will take me back because I can't for the life of her get it in my head that women must be tidy, have gained no ground, we still only bother with the right amount of motivation. It's so much work!!



Lastly, 16 year old me, we learn to love us for the dark, moody, laughing, loudmouth, silly girl that we are. In the end, we only have us to look out for.




                                             love,
                                                                           22 year old lady U