Where is my Happy?

No one really comes through like you’re friends when you’re having a tough time in any aspect of you’re life, today chilling with just girls and talking and taking photos saved me from a potentially frustratingly sad day.

I’ll post some of the photos we took soon as they’re edited and made to make us look flawless and downright gorgeous; they’re so beautiful they’re worth sharing with the world, I was happy and laughing for the first time in a while. I woke up and said today i will be happy; it worked way better than I thought it would. Two straight happy days in a row, family and friends. In the end those are who you fall back on, everyone deserves those.

By now I’ve realised that left to my own devises I can turn suicidal, no matter the time of the month; my swings don’t really understand the importance of pattern and regularity, they just up and kick in whenever they damn well please, soo inconsiderate!! I need to be constantly around people favourable to my funny bone, classmates and lecturers don’t help though sometimes any contact is better than none. Weird how I can’t live with people but I can’t live without them either…

I have come to the realization that love’s downs are too painful to take on your own, not pushing away people close to you might will save your sanity.

As I search for greater personal fulfilment and happiness, I’ve learnt several things. One as Carol Mandi wrote, it is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. Every time I make another person the source of my happiness, as I so often naturally do, I get miserable because while they will certainly add to my levels of happiness, they are not the entire source of it.

I tend to make the men in my life the source of my happy, it unconscious and completely unintentional but I do hence my constant ups and downs and downs. My happy flies out the window for quite the distance and returns only periodically to check up.

So when I search myself, where do I find my happy? Turns out its just the  simple things like hanging with friends on a Sunday afternoon, shopping, a good book in the evening, a long, hot shower after a long day, writing and capturing beautiful moments with  timeless photos.

This month I aim to work on me, stop caring too much about other people and work at fixing myself, learn to love me first before dishing out every ounce of my energies to another person. I’ll start with this week and work towards developing a more self-satisfied and fulfilled woman, that way I will be a better family member, friend and lover.

It is said that a little of what you fancy every day does you good.