Your caretaker, our witchdoctor

On Sunday I was bonding with a longtime friend who means the world to me and my funny bone coz everytime we decide to catch up after as little as a week of not seeing each other; a ridiculous, out of this world experience befell him. So Sunday was getting abit grey, freaking weather has done a complete 360 degree turn on us, I decided to week refuge at his restaurant before heading for a play. Dude is covered in cuts and bruises; looked like he'd been in a car accident and it rolled down a cliff. 

The story begins and ends with...no way your guessing this one...hehehe....witchdoctor!!! Yup a mganga who doubles as a caretaker in one of their off campus residents. So here goes..

A group of six chaps, idle despite being in school with a shitload of assignments and reading to do, were having a drink up in one of their houses off campus after an afternoon spent swimming. One of the guys goes all out and throws three, four botis of vodka and eventually they black out; wake up and a laptop is missing. The owner of the house and laptop is furious, matches all of them to the police post (assuming there's no way it's a station in that part of our country) and before they know it, it's a police case and witnesses are being summoned and testimonies are given and written down. Knowing that the incompetence of our country's police force touches dingy posts worse than more recognisable parts of the country, he talks to the caretaker of their block of flats in despair and narrates his tale.

Caretaker: "Huku watu wanaiba sana siku hizi na ni hiyo ulevi wenyu!!"

Dude in distress: " Sasa ata siezi jua ni nani anaeza kuwa ameichukua! Nitamuua!! NKT!!"

Caretaker: "Acha stress, kuna rafiki yangu caretaker wa hizo flats hulo anaeza kusaidia uipate na utajua mwenye aliichukua, uko down nikupeleke?"

Dude in distress: "Haiya wapi? hio sasa ni swali ya aina gani? Twende!"

So the caretaker leads the poor chap to his boy with special powers. Strange thing is, he wasnt asked for any pure black sheep, or black and yellow kuku or strands of hair, nothing! Just details of the laptop and date of disappearance. He even said he'l come collect his cash after it had been found. The excited boys went back to his house curious as to whether such insanities still exist.

They didn't have long to wait. The laptop appeared at the main gate of the flats intact flash disk and all, even the dvd that was in the drive was still there. Minutes later, the witchdoctor with the caretaker alter ego passed by for his surprsingly cheap dues and less than fifteen minutes after he left, the guilty candidate went kuku. I'm not exaggerating, he literally went crazy, insane, nuts!! He ran out of his room in a fit of rage hurling anything in his site at my boy and his crew. Stones were thrown at remarkable speed and aim. He chased after them shouting obscenities and throwing stones, sticks, pebbles, really anything in site and hitting them hard enough to fall, scramble to their feet, trip over rambles, ran into things and eventually genreate the type of wounds that convinced anyone not witnessing that outlandish scene they rolled off a cliff in an overspeeding car.

Moral of the story; who the hell are we living with if our caretakers are witchdoctors??!! Who are our househelps, shamba boys, watchmen???