Creeping Dark

I'm seated in the dark listening to the rain, the thunder and welcoming the occasional flashes of lightening; wondering when my life become such a freaking roller coaster ride. One minute I'm ecstatic, next couple of days I feel like I'm sinking, deeper into an abyss so dark it frightens me. The longer this goes on, the sooner I'm starting to feel a bit manic, slightly. I can name in 5 seconds one or two people who make me feel disgustingly normal.
Today I woke up more optimistic than I've been since the weekend, stuff was looking up; Dimple looked like he was taking me more seriously than the weekend, till evening came and the last thing I wanted was to go for that class so I made an impulse decision to go see the poor tired boy. I get there and he went to class, the depression starts sinking in again; I choose the closest thing to my mood on his laptop; Californication, and start watching. I swear it was speaking to my soul, it was dark and ominous with brighter spots of grey humour, a suicide attempt that honestly didnt look like such a bad solution to misery and a letter that tore at my very core. Genius stuff Tom  Kapinos, genius.
He walked in and my heart skipped nervously hoping that he'd look happpy to see me, like maybe, just maybe by some miracle he'd missed me..nothing. Dunno why I never learn to stop expecting shit, thats how you get disappointed and hate yourself.
I hate the sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach that's pulling me down to the dark hole of despair but it's beyond my control, it's clutching at my heart and squeezing out all the strength I possessed; leaving me bare and alone.
The steady pattter of the rain on my window is starting to feel like the last thing I'll remember before my eyes close and cant open anymore coz all my strength has bee sucked out. Wouldn't that be a relief! Till that long awaited day comes along, I'll have to plaster my happy face and skip through the days in pure agony