Every now and then, when you’ve lost track of the general direction in you’re life, something gives that throws you right back on that long road with it’s speed bumps and As a younger girl (I’m still pretty young in my books), I put all my frustrations, drab moments, sad times, good times, hopes and aspirations on paper. The beauty of documentation is you get to analyse your temperament just by flipping through the worn out, browning pages of memories. It takes you back on a journey we had completely let go of, not by choice but by getting on life’s swift current and not trying hard enough to tread on the spot and let the memories take over just for awhile, to help you see how far you’ve come, and judge how much farther we need to go.
My writing through the years portrays a girl, transforming into a woman with each stroke of her pen, fighting the adversaries that threaten to break her, working not to let what goes on around her imprint a life-long impression unless it matters, learning what matters and what she could do without, getting stuck and letting stuff she could have done without define her days and take her to dark lonely corners where she cried and no one heard, no one noticed her shaking shoulders and no one stopped to see her glistening cheeks where the weak beam of light hit her profile and no one cared to see her trembling lip.
I don’t know about other writers or if other writers are plagued with the same problem, for the longest time, I struggled to find a font that defined me, a font that worked with my words and made them feel more personal, as if I was writing from my own pen; it takes quite a bit of searching through the thousands (are they thousands? well maybe hundreds) of fonts provided to find one that works for you. I found Comic Sans MS and Segoe Script do my writing justice, the former for all my writing and the latter for my letter writing, God knows there are never enough letters to write. I’d type my work on a word document and copy paste it to my blog until I discovered windows live writer that synchs me directly to my blog with all the perks of word, except the line spacing but with a much more special feel to it.
My writing to date still portrays a young, impressionable woman who could do better than average, who should never settle for what she could do better without and who struggles to keep her spine straight as an arrow strained against a bow, sometimes letting the exhaustion take over with the hope that someone, anyone breaks her fall. Whose tired eyes still have glimpses of life, impulsiveness and days of laughter.
I write because it gives me a window to look out of and feel my backbone relax as I let go and truly become me, it’s the only time I am myself, wholly.
